Even In Death
by Darkness Arts
Summary: Vising the graves of the only people she had ever loved proves hard as Blue bids goodbye to Hige and Quent. Once there, she realizes she has nothing more to live for. Death, Suicide, Songfic. Complete, one-shot. R&R!


**Even In Death**

**By Darkness Arts**

**Genre: **Angst/Tragedy

**Type: **Death fic, Suicide fic, Song fic

**Rating: **PG - For mention of death, and suicide.

**Summary: **Visiting the graves of the only two people she had ever loved proves harder to do than anything Blue had ever done in her entire life. Once there, she realizes that she has nothing more to live for. The only part she had ever had to play, was by either of their side...and now they were gone...

Is sincerely hoping she did well to make a successful **_tear-jerker_**. And believe it or not, I actually _wasn't_ depressed while writing this- if I would have waited for one of my many angst kicks, this may have turned out better.

_Italics _DepictSong Lyrics

**Author Notes: **I am actually pretty proud to say that I think Blue is pretty well in-character here, for dealing with the death of both Quent _and_ Hige. I had to think about whether she would be the type to actually go through with taking her own life should something like this occur, and I was really torn between the several options that came with this. And yeah, I think she would if she felt guilty and torn up enough over it! Hell, I know I would! Anyway, don't bitch about how the wolves probably can't read- let alone Latin scripture- it's a plot device. Along with the roses. I'm not sure if they even exist in this post-apocalyptic world or not, but I don't care. And I guess the same goes for Hige and Quent being buried in a cemetery. Quent I understand, but I wasn't sure about Hige. The story just wouldn't be the same without these additions to it. Besides, you don't have to read it, if you don't like it. I did my best, and if it isn't good enough, then you can just deal.

This is obviously an AU fic, considering the fact that the ending to the series is entirely different.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own the show- If I did, I would have seen all of the episodes (obviously) and wouldn't kill them all off at the end (which is what I am pissed off about right now). "Even In Death" lyrics belong to Evanescence, of course. Anyway, you have been disclaimed...

_Give me a reason to believe that you're gone  
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong  
Moonlight on the soft brown earth  
It leads me to where you lay  
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home _

They say the moment tragedy occurs, a person will be forever changed from there on out after such an event. It doesn't matter what became different in the aftermath- just knowing that something of the sort has _actually_ occurred, is enough to drive some people so close to edge, completely over it. Such as it was changed the outlook the half-wolf Blue had on life in every aspect.

She was the only figure seen on the cemetery grounds that cold, January evening. The roads had iced over bad enough to keep most people homebound, and yet here she was. To those few people brave enough to test their endurance against the winter storm, they saw only a young woman dressed entirely in black. To those with more than five prime senses, they would see a large, black canine. But to her, the illusion of what she was didn't matter. Let the humans come and kill her. She had nothing left to offer to this form of reality...she was through with it all. And so here she was, standing before two freshly laid graves. As far as she was concerned, there should have been a third- one for herself.

Dark gray skies above, and a white world surrounding seemed to form some semblance of empathy to match her washed out, and morose mood. Even her eyes which were reputed to be such a beautiful shade of blue were dull and lifeless now, taking on instead a likeness of the world around her. Only one thing offset the depressing pattern, that being either of the roses clutched tightly in her grasp.

In her right hand was a pure white rose. This was to be her last tribute to the first person she knew she had loved. He had taken her in as a pup, cared for her much as a father would a daughter, and she in turn had been loyal, and would have done anything for him. But he was her master no longer- now he was nothing. Her expression remained apathetic, save for the look of cold regret that showed in her pale gray and blue eyes. Dropping the ivory hued rose to the snow-laden ground, she averted her eyes to view the name that marked the new, gray tombstone.

It read _Quent Yaiden_. Directly below the name, a small stanza of latin texture was embedded in the stone, the words derived from the beliefs on the final ascent to Heaven.

Blue knew now that she didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. To her, God didn't exist anymore than _Paradise_ had.

Stepping to the last new grave in the row, she sighed softly, her breath creating a cloud around her mouth to testify to how cold it was. She had done well not to cry for the loss of her master, but this seemed increasingly more difficult. Especially as she scanned what was laid out in front of her.

Before her was the final resting place of the wolf Hige; the first person she had given her heart to, and the last that she ever would.

_I will stay forever here with you, my love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on _

Kneeling down before the stone slab, uncaring of the cold, snow covered ground that was beginning to soak through her funeral attire. Leaning forward, she traced the four letters of his name, followed by the few lines of Latin scripture below. It didn't matter that Latin wasn't her best language- she knew enough so that she was reduced to tears by the last few lines.

Her pale, white hands shook as she placed them upon the frozen earth, after she dropped the crimson red rose- a sign of her love. Long, clear rivulets of tears streamed down her face, adding to the smooth white skin of her cheeks. Inclining her head towards the gravestone, she placed her lips against the cold surface, directly on the caricature depiction of the several cherubs, all reaching out towards Heaven.

Blue slid down at the heart of the grave, curling herself up as tight as she could manage. Her small, compressed body shook hard with unrestricted sobs as her mind conflicted over everything that had happened. Now without either Quent or Hige to guide her, and bind her to this life, she had nothing left.

Snow had began to gather around, and atop her as she laid there, still holding herself in the same position on Hige's grave. She couldn't bring herself to do anything else. Anguish hit her hard everytime she thought of leaving, and going on with her life as usual. It wouldn't be normal, and it wouldn't be right. _Nothing_ could be considered _right_ ever again!

She wouldn't leave, and there wasn't anything in this world remaining that could make her.

Maybe...just _maybe_ if she wished long, and hard enough she could just make it all go away. If she couldn't have them back, she didn't want anything. Or perhaps, if she wanted to badly enough, she could die of her grief. At this point, she couldn't care....she wanted Hige and Quent...or nothing. And she knew that her death would bring the sweet, safe comfort of death. At least there, she would be able forget how bad loving them _this_ much felt.

_Some say I'm crazy for my love, oh my love  
But no bonds can hold me from your side, oh my love  
They don't know you can't leave me  
They don't hear you singing to me ...  
_

Cold chills invaded her body, stealing away from her the warmth that had given her the energy to continue crying for so long. As she finally pulled her head up, she saw that evening had indeed fallen, and yet no stars dotted the indigo and black sky on this night. Their so called "God" couldn't even give her that on that treacherous day.

Pulling her arms close to her body, it didn't matter to her that she could no longer feel them. Looking down at her ungloved hands, she saw that frost clung to her fingertips, and they were long past the stage of mere red irritation, and had taken on a blue and gray tinge. With every attempt to regain feeling, her resolve to end it here and now only became higher. Shoving her hand into the pocket of her long black coat, she retrieved a small, black and silver .380 pistol.

A single bullet to the head would be enough to bring all of her pain and suffering to a standstill. In death, she would be with them again, or would know nothing of this life, and the love she had experienced.

A clawing desperation began to eat away at her, as a fresh onslaught of tears began, making her frozen cheeks slick, and colder. Hands shaking uncontrollably as she loaded the seven-shot clip into the grip of the pistol, she resolutely decided that she would only need the eighth bullet which resided in the chamber, waiting for her to fire it.

Pale blue eyes glanced longingly at the stone beside her, as she gave her surrogate father one final goodbye. She had done everything in life to serve and honor him, and the only regret she could claim was not being able to save him in the end. A small whimper escaped her hoarse throat, as she closed her eyes tightly, trying to ward away the images and sounds that his memory conjured in her mind.

_I will stay forever here with you, my love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on _

Still crying just as much, Blue numbly turned to give Hige's grave her final condolence. She wished with everything in her that she had been able to do as much for him in his final hour, but there was no way she could have been there. As she once more placed her lips against the cool surface of the headstone, she tried to think of it as though she were kissing him instead.

Only when the memories of him rushed to her mind, did she take the safety off of the gun. She couldn't take it anymore!

Pulling her knees up to her chest, she rested her tired, and broken body against Hige's grave marker. Her hands and form shook in rhythm to all of the memories of him assaulting her mind. As she raised the loaded gun to the side of her head not placed against the headstone, and placed her finger on the trigger, the images seemed to come at an overload. Replaying through her mind as though she were watching them through the eyes of someone else, she saw she and Hige's first kiss- this she could identify as her favorite memory of him. Next she saw the conversation with him on the bridge, and then finally laying next to him beneath the stars when they realized that Paradise had been with them all along.

As the proper pressure was given to set the reaction to the trigger off, and the bullet entered her skull, her final thought was of all she had well with both Quent and Hige. And with this, she died right there with them, as she was meant to.

_And I can't love you, anymore than I do... _

_The End_

**Author Note: **I think the ending was rushed a little bit, but it was going on seven pages in my History notebook, and it was all written during that class (while I was supposed to be taking notes, but obviously was not). Anyway, please leave me a review! I'll love you all if you do!!!!


End file.
